Publish date: 27 June 2022
“Mam I’m gay”- mother and daughter share their journey of coming out together this Pride Month
Hello I'm Wendy Gordon, a secretary at the trust.
I suppose the writing was on the wall from my daughter being tiny. She was always very tomboyish but so was I when I was a child. At a very young age, from being able to speak, she was adamant she wouldn’t wear pink and would only wear blue. When she was toilet training she would only pick underpants with Thomas the Tank Engine on or, at a push, blue knickers. I remember a story she told me when she was 4 years old about how when she grew up her and her wife would live in a lovely house and have a dog!
So it came as no surprise when she was 16 and finally told me she was gay. In fact, a lot of things finally clicked into place. For the previous 2 years she had been very distant. Our relationship, which had always been brilliant, had deteriorated and I initially just put it down to her being a teenager. But as things got worse and her mental health deteriorated the school got in touch with me asking if I minded if they sent her to see the school counsellor. She initially wasn’t happy about this but I persuaded her to give it a try and it might help her feel better.
I was surprised when I got a call from the counsellor asking if she could come to our home to see me. I was nervous about what she was going to say. Was it me that was causing my daughters mental health decline? What had she confided in the counsellor that she couldn’t tell me?
The appointment was made and after the introductions the counsellor got straight to the point. Had I ever considered that my daughter was gay? It was like a lightbulb moment. No, I hadn’t really thought about it but if she was then a lot of things made a lot of sense; only wearing underpants, the story about her having a wife, the fact she had only ever wanted to play football and most of her friends were boys.
Needless to say teatime that evening was a bit strange. Did I bring it up first? Did I wait for her to speak to me? The last thing I wanted to do was push her further away. But over a bowl of ice cream my daughter told me she was gay, had never been interested in boys and was I disappointed in her? There were tears, I won’t lie, from both of us but I have never been more proud of her than I was at that moment. She knew exactly who she was and exactly what she wanted and at 16 I thought that was amazing. The sad thing was that she thought she couldn’t tell me. We sat and had a good chat about everything. Turns out she was a lot more well informed than I was and was happy to answer my questions. The night ended with a massive hug and me telling her that I didn’t mind what her sexual orientation was, she will always be my baby and I would love her whatever the future would hold and whatever came our way we would handle it together.
So fast forward 9 years. She continues to make me proud every day. She went on to get fabulous GCSE and BTECH results. She went to university and left with a degree in drama and is now undergoing deputy manager training for the firm she works for. Our relationship is now amazing and I can’t believe she ever thought I would stop loving her just because she preferred to have a girlfriend. I have had some people ask me if I’m disappointed because she’s not “normal”! You can imagine the response I give to them.
So what’s it like being the parent of a gay child? Just as fabulous and wonderful as being the parent of any child but I think I have just a tiny bit more admiration for my amazing little girl who has turned into the most phenomenal young woman who I am so proud to be Mam to.